Updated: Jan 25
This is my very first post on my new NYS Shackled Hearts blog. My name is Mrs. M, I am the wife of a wonderful man who has been the love of my life for 33 years. My husband "M" is incarcerated in a NYS Correctional Facility. I know all too well the hardships, the stress, the heartache and the loneliness of being the wife of a man who is incarcerated. I have a hard time labeling my man as, "Inmate". I find that label very demeaning to the man I love. While he may be in the custody of NYS DOCCS, he is more than an incarcerated individual. He is my husband, the head of my family. He is a father to our amazing children and he is a grandfather to a grandson who calls his grandpa, his Super Hero. My husband and I are childhood sweethearts, he was my first love, first kiss, first everything. We have been dealing with this life situation for many years. And yes, it is hard! But, we made vows for better or for worse, I am 100% invested in my marriage and my family and I will not allow the system to tear that apart.
I started this blog because while we, the wives, children, girlfriends, mothers, fathers, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. live our lives on the free side of the notorious prison wall, we are still very much serving the time with our loved ones. Yet we are overlooked and not considered when a sentence is handed down, and we are considered even less by the NYS Doccs staff when we visit our loved ones in that hell hole called a Correctional Facility. I believe strongly that the tragedy of mass incarceration impacts more than just the person convicted. It impacts US all. It impacts society as a whole, although those who have never experienced a loved one in prison do not realize the impact it has until it affects their lives.
They say it takes a village to raise a child, well, it also takes the support and encouragement of a village when your loved one is living behind the wall, in a cage. The rage I sometimes feel rise up from my belly when I'm laying in my bed alone at night thinking about my husband laying on a metal bunk, in a space as big as my bathroom staring at drab concrete walls and steel bars makes me want to scream out to the detectives, prosecutors, judges, jurists...
WHY??? WHY DO YOU THINK IT IS OK TO LOCK UP OUR MEN, CAGE THEM LIKE ANIMALS, RIP THEM FROM THEIR FAMILIES FOR DECADES! HOW MUCH TIME IS ENOUGH TIME? MY GOD, HAVE MERCY!
These are the thoughts that creep into my mind in the quiet, still of the night. It hurts like hell and unless you've experienced this tragedy, you will not understand it! So I want this blog to be a forum where we can share our pains, our truths and also our triumphs! I want this to be a safe space where we encourage one another.
No judgement, full acceptance and 100% support and encouragement.
Please email me at
I will share your emails on the blog (you can ask to be anonymous, I totally understand) and I will give you my advice/feedback and share my own experiences as well.
I also call into "Voices beyond the wall" regularly, hosted by Ernest & Kathy Henry every other Sunday. You can check out the show on 93.1 WVKR or if you are not in the listening area log into
and click on listen on the left hand side of the page or download the in tune app and you can stream WVKR on your mobile device or smart TV. (next show is on Sunday 12/22/19 3pm - 6pm).
Stay strong, Be blessed, Peace be with you.